Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
