It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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