According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
