She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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