You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't think brook has ever known best
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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