I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
