she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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