i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize