I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
