put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize