So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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