y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
