i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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