I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
