So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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