put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Vodka?
Forever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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