i jhust puked up my retainher.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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