I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
