He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
