She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
