he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
