Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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