Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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