i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
