i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
