I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
