Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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