So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
