Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
