K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
