I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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