I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
