God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
