did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
