god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
