So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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