Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
