why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
