i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
