I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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