when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
