you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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