I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
