I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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