question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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