a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
