i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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