i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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