batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
