He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
