Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
