walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
