you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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