Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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