Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
