My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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