i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
