laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
