we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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