the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
