PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize