you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i would punch a child for taco bell
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize