I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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