im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
