I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize