Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
