well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
