I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
