You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
