toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
