Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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