Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
